Discernment counseling is particularly appealing to the Leaning Out spouse for several reasons:
- Discernment counseling allows the leaning out spouse the opportunity to consider options for the marriage without feeling pressured. The discernment counselor recognizes the emotional exhaustion of many leaning out spouses and the hopelessness they probably feel.
- Unlike traditional long-term therapy, discernment counseling typically involves only a few sessions. Additionally, the first commitment is simply a phone call and, after that, a single session. At the end of each session, the couple decides whether they want one more time.
- There is a clear emphasis on understanding interaction patterns in the marriage AND each person’s contribution to the problems. There is no “taking sides” or “ganging up” against the spouse considering divorce. Most spouses recognize that there are problems they contribute, and they additionally recognize that these problems have often affected other relationships, as well. In discernment counseling, spouses are encouraged to consider the value of improving individual relationship skills – perhaps personal change will help save the marriage or perhaps it will prepare each spouse to do better in future relationships.
- The goal is greater confidence and clarity about the best path for the marriage. With a better understanding of what happened in the marriage and a commitment to greater self-awareness, the outcome is improved regardless of the path chosen. Read here for a brief explanation about how discernment counseling can improve outcome in each of the three paths.